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I read an interesting article today suggesting that as Japan’s population ages and the number of children falls, people are becoming less tolerant of the noise that children make.

As someone who does not have any children myself, I have to admit that I subscribe to the view that children should be seen and not heard, although I’m sure I would feel differently if I were a parent.

According to the article, the falling population is creating a vicious circle: because there are fewer children, people are less accustomed to the noise they make, so they are more intolerant when they hear it; and because people are becoming less tolerant of children, having them becomes less attractive to young couples.

I used to think a falling population would be good for Japan, but recently I have begun to realise how many problems it is going to cause. I guess this is just another one of them. Apparently, more than a quarter of Japan’s population is now over 65, and that number is only going to increase.

This week, I would like to know what those of you who do not have children think about the noise made by other people’s kids. I would also like to hear about the experiences of those of you who do have children, and I would be particularly interested to hear from our older members whether they think attitudes to children have changed since they were young.

Look forward to hearing your opinions.

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27 Comments

  1. John Spiri on Monday June 3rd, 2013 at 03:03 PM

    At times when one of my two sons is chattering just to get attention or explaining some topic that would never be of interest to an adult, I think there is, after all, merit to the notion that children “should be seen and not heard.” But most of the time I think that’s an archaic idea. The fundamental problem with it, to my way of thinking, is it assumes kids are things rather than human beings.

    I have almost never found the noise of children in public to be distracting. In fact, I recall feeling amused at the way kids in Taiwan went wild in restaurants. I can understand the feelings of a person who lives right next to a large kindergarten, but feel he or she should gaman. If it’s a little noisy between 8 A.M. and 3 P.M., for example, go out, or wear headphones, or move. After all, I dislike the noise of the express highway outside my bedroom window, and hated the noisy trucks and cars that drove by my previous home–and those are/were noisy at sleeping time. People should understand that children will make noise, and be tolerant.



  2. David on Monday June 3rd, 2013 at 04:31 PM

    Hi John,

    Thanks for your comment. I see what you are saying, but I guess the problem is drawing the line between what is and what is not acceptable behaviour in public places. I have sometimes found that what parents think is acceptable is completely unacceptable to me. As I said in the entry, though, I’m sure my opinion would change if I had kids.



  3. YU on Monday June 3rd, 2013 at 05:33 PM

    Hi David and everyone,

    As I think I mentioned before, I used to dislike children before I had a kid because I thougt they were noisy.
    Now I’m a mother of a four-year-old boy and my opinion has turned 180 degrees.

    > I guess the problem is drawing the line between what is and what is not acceptable behaviour in public places

    I used to think the same way and I totally agree with you, but what is “public place” in the first place?
    Trains, buses, airplaines, libraries, stations, restaurants, movie theaters, etc…. They are all public places, outside the home are almost public places.
    Now I always feel small in those “public” places. Why do people call them public places? In my opinion, they are no longer “public places” unless any people including small children can use them in the totally equal conditions. So, I agree with John that the fundamental problem with it is it assumes kids are things rather than human beings.

    By the way, as some of you may know, “arguments over the use of baby strollers in the public transportations” is getting a hot topic in Japan.

    If you are not aware of it, please take a minute to read this article;

    http://www.japantoday.com/category/national/view/transport-ministry-to-unify-rules-for-baby-strollers-on-buses-trains

    Most train companies offer “women only coaches”, but why they can’t consider having “parents and small children only coaches” as well?

    Anyway, what I want to say is that before complaing the noise or troubles children make, enough places to go for parents with children should be offered. I think most children are noisy and it is a proof that they are healthy.

    Of course, it is very important for parents to tell their children to behave well in public places, but as I mentioned, there are too many public places in this world. I think too much “Don’t do ~” will make children sick.



  4. Biwa on Monday June 3rd, 2013 at 09:14 PM

    Hi YU and everyone,

    Thank you for the article about the baby strollers. Well, every time I see these arguments, I wonder if these people who say “Folding strollers should be compulsory.” have ever tried doing it themselves.

    Folding strollers means you have to hold your baby with one hand, and usually mothers carry a huge bag full of diapers, milk and spare clothes on their shoulders, and then fold the stroller with the other hand. And of course, you have to make sure you don’t trip on the jolting train. Maybe it’s possible while your baby is really small, but these people probably don’t know that babies grow heavier day by day and a one-year-old baby weighs almost 10 kilograms! From my own experience, no one would help you, and not surprisingly, no one would offer you a seat.

    What’s more, when you get off the train, you have to choose whether you want to be crushed out of the car altogether with your baby and stroller in both hands, or open up the stroller in the middle of the crowd forgetting about everyone looking coldly at you. Every mother knows that folding the stroller at rush hours should be polite, but it’s just impossible! To me, a “parent and stroller coach” sounds a lot more realistic.

    On the subject of behavior in public places, I do understand what YU says, but I still think that there are places that you shouldn’t bring your children while they don’t know how to behave properly. Maybe I’m a bit old, though.



  5. YU on Monday June 3rd, 2013 at 10:28 PM

    Hi Biwa,

    > but I still think that there are places that you shouldn’t bring your children while they don’t know how to behave properly. Maybe I’m a bit old, though.

    I know exactly what you mean and actually I didn’t say that you can bring your children anywhere you like. I think most mothers and I have minimum manners and common sense like that, but as the article says, the problem is that these days more and more people start complaining no matter what we(parents and children) do or where we go. If they start saying we should not eat at MacDonalds or family restaurants unless our children make noise, where else can we go?

    As for the arguments over baby strollers, it’s the fact that most Japanese people think that it is thougtless/foolish of mothers taking trains during the peak times, but if you ask me, it is no longer “public” transportations if some particular passengers(=mothers with babies in strollers) have to refrain from using them even only during the rush hours.

    Right from the beginning, peak time trains in Japan are always unusually overcrowded, and I think actually, that is the problem must be settled first, though!



  6. Fumie on Tuesday June 4th, 2013 at 05:55 AM

    Hi David and everyone,

    I used to live in a company house. When we lived in higher than the first floor (second floor or higher), I was very much worring about the noise that our kids made, especially at night. In general, there are two types of people: Ones who are torelant of the noise that children make and those who are not. As other members said, children are noisy and energetic, that’s their nature, so people should have at least understand about it. When my children were little, several people bawled out us to make my children be quiet in public places. I understand their feelings but they should also understand that children make noise and no matter we told them not to be noisy, they running around. Well, it may depends on each child. In my case, I have three sons and boys are noisier than girls in general and my middle son has a developmental problem so it’s very difficult to let him understand the social rules. I think people should have know that there are such children who have some problems (they may not look like having such problems in appearance though)and they may act wild but they also want to go to public places to have fun. Having said that, there are young people who don’t looking after their children (they are running around and making big noise) while mothers sitting down and chatting over a cup of coffee.
    As for baby stroller problem, I’m afraid Japan is an unkind country for parents with little children. I heard in Western countries, when people see mothers with little children carring a baby stroller, people offer help and carry a stroller when they climb the stairs.
    What I want is a compassionate society which people understand and be kind each other and offer help when they see people who need help!



  7. YU on Tuesday June 4th, 2013 at 09:22 AM

    Hi Fumie,

    > my middle son has a developmental problem so it’s very difficult to let him understand the social rules.

    I know what you mean. The second son of my friend was diagnosed as autism(自閉症) and developmental disorder at the beginning of this year. He goes to both kindergarten and 療育施設 now. He is same age as my son. She told me that he was emotionally unstable and it was very difficult to tell him what to do, so she often hesitated to bring him to so-called “public places”.

    > I think people should have know that there are such children who have some problems (they may not look like having such problems in appearance though)and they may act wild but they also want to go to public places to have fun.

    I realized that there were actually much more children who have developmental problems than I had imagined. The younger brother of my son’s classmate has it, too. I see him every day because his older brother takes the same kindergarten bus as my son’s. As you say, he doesn’t look he has developmental problems at first sight.

    First after I became a mother, I learned to know things like them. I totally agree with you that “public” places should be for everyone(except for some special places like high-class restaurants, opera theaters, etc…) no matter you are mentally/physically healthy or disordered.



  8. Biwa on Tuesday June 4th, 2013 at 01:16 PM

    Hi Fumie and YU,

    >Having said that, there are young people who don’t looking after their children (they are running around and making big noise) while mothers sitting down and chatting over a cup of coffee.

    I totally agree. I get really angry when I see those selfish mothers even in Mc Donald’s! I think that many people’s anti-feelings towards noisy children is caused by those careless or uninterested attitude of the parents’.

    I also notice that many young mothers these days are trying to enjoy the same things they used to when they had no kids. For example, they bring little children to shop for their own goods (clothes, shoes, bags, cosmetics…), and naturally, the children start running around or screaming because they’re not interested at all. If running around and making noise was children’s nature, why don’t the parents just let them do it as much as they like? There are so many things and places you can do or go with little children. Lots of public places offer “kids programs”, too. It’s just a short while that you have to give priority to your children. I can’t help thinking that many young parents are missing such a precious time.



  9. YU on Tuesday June 4th, 2013 at 04:21 PM

    Hi Biwa and everyone,

    > I think that many people’s anti-feelings towards noisy children is caused by those careless or uninterested attitude of the parents’.

    That’s right, but I still don’t understand why the rest of mothers with good sense(including me!), which is actually in the majority, have to feel small because of those irresponsible mothers.

    > I also notice that many young mothers these days are trying to enjoy the same things they used to when they had no kids

    I don’t think that is a bad thing as long as it is “within the bounds of common sense”(常識の範囲内なら), rather I want to support them.

    > For example, they bring little children to shop for their own goods (clothes, shoes, bags, cosmetics…), and naturally, the children start running around or screaming because they’re not interested at all. If running around and making noise was children’s nature, why don’t the parents just let them do it as much as they like?

    I’m afraid, but that sounds too strict to me.
    I don’t think you meant mothers with young children shouldn’t shop in places like that before their kids grow up, or did you?
    Or you mean, they should always use a day-care center if they want to shop there? It might be possible if your husband earns a lot!

    Why places where mothers with young children can go have to be so limited? I’m not really sure what kind of shops you meant, though…Anyway, I agree with you, if you meant “CHANEL” or “GUCCI”.

    > There are so many things and places you can do or go with little children. Lots of public places offer “kids programs”, too

    Actually, I don’t really think so. As the article says, I feel the options for us are getting smaller and more EXPENSIVE.
    And I think that is one of the reasons why more and more young couples hesitate to have children today.

    > It’s just a short while that you have to give priority to your children. I can’t help thinking that many young parents are missing such a precious time.

    I never mean that parents and children can do anything as they please in public places, but I’m sorry to say this, that’s an archaic idea as John says. I’m afraid, but I think parents you mention are in the minority, it might look more than reality because they are outstanding and the media like to report only those extreme parents, not normal, average parents. Most parents today have just begun to realize that they want to cherish their children, but at the same time, they want to enjoy their own lives. I don’t think nothing is wrong with this idea as long as they enjoy “within the bounds of common sense”.

    I think 小さな子供がいる家族(母親たち)はしばらくの間我慢して”そういう場所”だけで楽しみなさい的な考え is really old, selfish and wrong.
    Anyway, it is sure that the society is becoming less torelant of children, although everyone wants young couples to have more children for their pension.



  10. Biwa on Tuesday June 4th, 2013 at 09:23 PM

    Hi YU,

    >I think 小さな子供がいる家族(母親たち)はしばらくの間我慢して”そういう場所”だけで楽しみなさい的な考え is really old, selfish and wrong.

    I don’t think my comment meant that. And I really hope it didn’t sound as if I were talking about you personally.
    I just wanted to say that I don’t really understand why those mothers bring their children to places that is so boring (even if it was something to enjoy their own lives) just to make the children unhappy and behave badly. I won’t say anything if the children are happy to wait for their mothers to try on clothes in the fitting rooms. However, I don’t think many children would be willing to do that. If it were me, I would take turns baby sitting each other’s children with my friends, and enjoy my shopping alone. It just goes without saying that fun things for adults aren’t always fun for children. I don’t mean to limit the places where mothers and infants can go, it’s rather the mother’s choice depending on her way of thinking.



  11. Kattie on Tuesday June 4th, 2013 at 09:29 PM

    Hi everyone,

    I have noticed that people who haven’t had children often judge parents harshly and think that if they ever had children they would bring them up differently and their kids would be much better behaved. I remember my sister and her husband often used to tell me how untidy my children were, the implication was that we hadn’t really ‘trained’ them properly. They now have their own kids and whenever I see them I am surprised at just how untidy they are!

    This is off on a tangent but I saw this article on the BBC News website and I thought some of you might find it interesting – these baby boxes sound like a great idea, I wish we had them in the UK http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22751415



  12. YU on Tuesday June 4th, 2013 at 11:48 PM

    Hi Biwa,

    > And I really hope it didn’t sound as if I were talking about you personally.

    I didn’t feel so at all, so don’t worry.
    I just wanted to support young parents today because I really feel people are getting intorelant of children these days.

    It doesn’t mean I know about the old days, but I think people used to go easier on children in the old days. It is often said that people used to scold other peoples’ children in the old days, but I don’t think they treated them as coldly as people do today.

    As the article says, I think people used to live with many children around them and they accustomed to the noise or troubles that they made. In this sense, you could say that they were just insensitive to the noise children made!

    As I mentioned, I was also one of those who judged parents and children harshly before I had a kid myself, so I never want to forget the feelings I have now even when my son is grown up and I get older.

    Hi Kattie,

    > They now have their own kids and whenever I see them I am surprised at just how untidy they are!

    Hahaha…
    “You’ll see everything if you become a parents!”

    I’ve seen the maternity package in Finland on TV. I found it a very nice idea and I wish we had them in Japan, too!



  13. Fumie on Wednesday June 5th, 2013 at 05:37 AM

    Hi YU and Biwa,

    Thank you for your comments.
    I also feel that today’s mothers are very fashionable and look very young and they don’t look like Obachan(middle-aged women.) My mother’s generation or older generation mothers’ in general looked like more Obachan!

    Hi Kattie,

    Thanks for the site. I think the system which Finland applied is very good and I wish we had the pacage like that when I gave birth to my sons.
    >”There was a recent report saying that Finnish mums are the happiest in the world, and the box was one thing that came to my mind. We are very well taken care of, even now when some public services have been cut down a little,” she says.

    I think if Japanese goverment supported moms like Finland do, more women would have more children!



  14. Biwa on Wednesday June 5th, 2013 at 11:06 AM

    Hi YU,

    >so I never want to forget the feelings I have now even when my son is grown up and I get older.

    Neither do(or maybe “did”?)I. That’s why I’m so interested in the ways other mothers do.

    Hi Kattie,

    Thanks for the link. I read about the baby boxes a couple of weeks ago in a book titled “Finland-the method of richness(pleasantness?)-フィンランド、豊かさのメソッド”. I was particularly convinced by the way they placed importance on childrearing and education. I think Japan has a lot to learn from them.

    Hi everyone,

    By the way, I agree with the guy who commented this:
    >If people mean shrieking children, I agree. Children can be taught to play without shrieking–which is quite different from ordinary childhood noise. Shrieking children are a complete pain in the ears.

    Although I definitely think that those suing and fining cases unreasonable, I think parents need to think out a way to prevent children’s shrieking(and also their own shrieking, too!) as much as possible.



  15. YU on Wednesday June 5th, 2013 at 12:19 PM

    Hi Biwa and everyone,

    > Shrieking children are a complete pain in the ears.

    I agree, but we should not forget that many of them have mental problems such as phonic tic disorders(音声チック障害), ADHD (Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder).
    As I mentioned, there are really a lot of children who have mental problems than you imagine. They don’t look sick at first sight.

    My friend’s son I mentioned often shrieked during our English clubs’ gatherings. At that time, she still didn’t know he had a mental disorder. Finally, she stopped coming with him, none of us complained about his shrieking, though. When he had started kindergarten, she came back to our club again.



  16. Biwa on Wednesday June 5th, 2013 at 01:25 PM

    Hi YU,

    I know that, that’s why I wrote “as much as possible”. I think those children also need to learn to adapt to the society as well. That doesn’t mean you need to yell at them, you can just tell them gently that s/he doesn’t need to shriek or scream. Of course you can’t suddenly say that to a kid you don’t really know, though.

    Hi everyone,

    This has nothing to do with the topic, but my next-door neighbor has just returned from their trip to Austria and Hungary, and they gave me a box of chocolate cake(Sacher torte). I’m happy!



  17. Anne on Wednesday June 5th, 2013 at 01:37 PM

    Hi David and everyone,

    I read both of the articles David and YU showed us.
    First, I’m wondering if the complaints discourage young couples to have their babies. As far as falling birthrate concerned, I think the problem is in different aspects.
    By the way, Yokohama city announced the other day that the number of the kids who can’t enter daycare centers(待機児童)became zero. Yokohama has done it only in two years and a lot of cities are interested in it’s way,especilly in Nagoya.

    I’m not sure people became intolerant with the noise that kids made or not, but people’s lifestyle have(has?) been changing. If he/she wants to get a good sleep after a night shift, and kids were shrieking or crying, it must be tough to sleep. I kind of understand their feelings, but I don’t think everyone complains about it or sue it. It’s a kind of “shouganai”( it could happen, so I should accept it even though I feel irritated.)situation, isn’t it?

    Actually, there is a small park across the street from my house. I often hear kids playing and shouting there. In spring and fall, kids from nearby kindergartens and an elementary school come here to spend some time.
    For me, their voices are not noisy at all but rather heartwarming. I guess it depends on each person whether the sounds children make feel noisy or not, and whether people are tolerant with them or not because people are surrounded with various kinds noises; especially in urban cities. (Junior) high school girls’ chatting and Obachan’s chatting could be a lot more noisy,right? Kids(Babies) doesn’t cry forever, but it’s a part of their process for growing up to be adults.
    Once you start complaining about the noise that kinds make, and then to whom you are complaining about the noise tomcat makes at night?

    Hi Fumie,YU and Biwa,
    >Having said that, there are young people who don’t looking after their children (they are running around and making big noise) while mothers sitting down and chatting over a cup of coffee.
    —–I agree with you! Besides, young couples(young mothers) are good at decreasing their stress. I think that’s good and they are smart. However, they sometimes seem to forget about their own kids.

    Hi YU,
    >why they can’t consider having “parents and small children only coaches” as well?— I think so,too! It’s good for both parents who have kids and other commuters to say nothing of for kids!

    >“within the bounds of common sense”(常識の範囲内なら),— I guess “common sense” doesn’t necessarily fit to everyone. My common sense could be nonsense to someone else.

    Hi Kattie,

    Thanks for sharing the interesting article. Finland seems to be child friendly country. I remember an article that some minister in Finland took a paternity leave; it’s not a couple of days, but a couple of months! This couldn’t happen in Japan. Also, I hear tuition fee for the college in Finland is free. There seems to have a lot of things to learn from Finland as far as child care and education concerned.



  18. Anne on Wednesday June 5th, 2013 at 01:42 PM

    it’s me again.

    I forgot to mention one more thing.
    Did anyone watch the last night’s soccer game between Japan and Australia?
    Japan tied the game1-1 as you know. Samurai Japan earned the right to take part in the 2014 World Cup!

    Hi Biwa,
    > a box of chocolate cake(Sacher torte)? Sounds nice. Lucky you!



  19. Anne on Wednesday June 5th, 2013 at 01:52 PM

    >correction:
    *that kinds make—that kids make
    *especially in urban cities.—especially in big cities



  20. YU on Wednesday June 5th, 2013 at 02:09 PM

    Hi Biwa,

    Sorry for my poor understanding, but for me, it was difficult to read your real intention from your sentences.

    > I think parents need to think out a way to prevent children’s shrieking(and also their own shrieking, too!) as much as possible.
    > I think those children also need to learn to adapt to the society as well. That doesn’t mean you need to yell at them, you can just tell them gently that s/he doesn’t need to shriek or scream.

    You’re right, those extreme parents themselves need to learn how to adopt to the society first!
    But from my experience, as far as parents of those children are concerned, I think they “generally” do what they can as much as possible already. I mean, things like you mentioned above. Of course, there must be some emotional parents like you mentioned, too, but I’m afraid I think they are again in the minority, or at least more than half of their parents are normal, calm people with good sense like my friend.



  21. YU on Wednesday June 5th, 2013 at 02:59 PM

    Hi Anne and everyone,

    > (Junior) high school girls’ chatting and Obachan’s chatting could be a lot more noisy,right?

    Hahaha!
    The Saizeria near my house is used as a たまり場 of junior/high school students on weekend.
    Once my husband and I have entered there on Saturday night without knowing that. We finally ended up with leaving there as soon as we finished eating!

    So, when I hear someone complaining about children’s(junior/high school students’) noise at MacDonald’s or family restaurants like Saizeria, I feel like talking back to them why do you come here in the first place, “if you want a silence no matter what”.

    Of course, I know they are places to eat for everyone and parents need to look after their children not to cause troubles to other customers as much as possible, but you must already know the quality of customers before you enter there!

    Biwa wrote “there are a lot of places to go and do for parents and children.”, but if she says so, I think there are “much much more” places to go and do for people who have no kids, too.



  22. Kattie on Wednesday June 5th, 2013 at 09:41 PM

    Hi Anne,

    >Actually, there is a small park across the street from my house. I often hear kids playing and shouting there. In spring and fall, kids from nearby kindergartens and an elementary school come here to spend some time.
    For me, their voices are not noisy at all but rather heartwarming

    I couldn’t agree with you more. The very first house we bought backed onto a primary school playground and I remember sitting in the back yard with a cup of tea on the morning we moved in and hearing the sound of the children at playtime. The house was in a terrible state but the noise from the playground was so happy I really knew we had made the right decision. The sound of children playing is the same the world over and there’s something very comforting about that. Just think how weird and creepy it would be without it – it would be like a scene from a horror film! There are lots of even more annoying things that adults do.



  23. Fumie on Wednesday June 5th, 2013 at 11:07 PM

    Hi Kattie,

    >There are lots of even more annoying things that adults do.
    I can’t agree with you more! I can’t stand the noise of pachinko parlors and the noise of election cars. (sorry kattie, these are Japanese things.) I also can’t stand the smell of cigarettes.

    correction

    I think the system which Finland applied is very good and I wish we had the pacage like that when I gave birth to my sons.
    applied→adopted system→idea



  24. Kattie on Thursday June 6th, 2013 at 02:51 AM

    Hi Fumie,

    > I can’t stand the noise of pachinko parlors and the noise of election cars. (sorry kattie, these are Japanese things.)

    I have heard about pachinko parlours but I didn’t know about the noise of election cars!



  25. Biwa on Thursday June 6th, 2013 at 09:56 AM

    Hi Fumie and Kattie,

    >I have heard about pachinko parlours but I didn’t know about the noise of election cars!

    They’re really annoying! Also, train stations and department stores are shouting to watch your step on rainy days and to be careful not to get your finger caught in the doors. No one needs that!

    Hi YU,

    >Biwa wrote “there are a lot of places to go and do for parents and children.”, but if she says so, I think there are “much much more” places to go and do for people who have no kids, too.

    You write as if I were your enemy! (Just kidding!)
    Well, I’m afraid that you’re still taking me wrong. Actually, I don’t think it’s worthwhile to count which is which, I just wanted to say that the places “differ.” Parents and kids have lots of places to go as much as people who don’t have kids.

    My opinion is from my own experience, so I’m sure other people have different ones. However, watching my own sons and their friends, it was just obvious that they weren’t enjoying shopping or eating-actually chatting-as much as mothers did. It was just a short time that they sit still and eat their food, and they were more interested in playing hide-and-seek under the clothes or touching things that they shouldn’t rather than choosing clothes. So it didn’t take long until my friends and I decided to bring the kids where they can run around and play as much as they wanted. Temples, parks, beaches, museums(they offer kids programs where the kids can create things and get dirty as much as they want) and 児童館. We even played outside on rainy days wearing coats. This was one of the things I enjoyed, too, because we never do it when you grow up!

    Then, I noticed that my sons were sleeping better, eating better, fighting and shrieking less because they were satisfied. I also noticed that I was feeling less stressed, and after they went to bed at seven or eight, I had enough time to do my own things. It was a kind of virtuous circle. Again, this is just my opinion, but I think you can reduce children’s unpleasant noises by adjusting things a bit to the kid’s side.



  26. YU on Thursday June 6th, 2013 at 01:01 PM

    Hi Biwa,

    Thank you for your comment.
    I just wrote what I felt reading your comment.
    I don’t think I still take you wrong, we just have totally different opinions on this issue as you mentioned and I don’t think I need to adjust to yours and vice versa.

    > Parents and kids have lots of places to go as much as people who don’t have kids.

    I’m afraid, but I still don’t think so.
    There are a lot of places where young children or parents with them are not allowed to enter(未就学児童入場不可), but I’ve almost never heard of places where adults who don’t have kids are not allowed to go.
    しつこいけど(笑)同じぐらいあるとはどうしても思えません。私は今現在幼児を育てていてそう思います。まあ、確かにどうでもいいことだし、無理に入ろうなんて思いもしないけど。ただ子供がよく来るようなところに来て必要以上にイラついている大人を見ると「ちっちゃいな~」と思うだけです。
    私もかつてそういう「ちっちゃい」人間だったから反省してます。

    > Again, this is just my opinion, but I think you can reduce children’s unpleasant noises by adjusting things a bit to the kid’s side.

    Of course, I know it and most of mothers oten tell me the same as youmentioned.
    But not every mother has the same way of thinking as you. They know it, but I guess they just want to shop with their friends when their husbands are at work.

    This is not my case, but please imagine, if you have three children, 0, 3, 6, for example, then you’ll not be free until your youngest child enter the kindergarten, which means you have to continue the same living schedule for nine years or more! Some of mothers like you may enjoy the whole time, but I don’t think every mother does it.

    So, I agree with you that children are not interested in their mothers’ shopping at all, but I wonder mothers have to think childrens’ interests first all the time. Isn’t it a bit harsh?

    I wrote “常識の範囲でならいい” because I don’t think even those young parents shop taking their kids every day. I guess they just enjoy it once in a while, that means your kids have to adjust to their mothers’ schedule once in a while, too.

    Adjusting things to kids’ side is indeed grat and ideal, but I realize that it doesn’t always go well with me. None of my friends go out with me after seven or eight at night, so I used to meet my friends taking my son before he entered the kindergarten.

    By the way, you wrote, “If it were me, I would take turns baby sitting each other’s children with my friends, and enjoy my shopping alone.”.
    That’s a nice idea, but as you know, many of mothers today including me don’t want to use the way like that, I think that’s why everyone takes their young kids to their shopping.

    子育ての期間は短いと言えば短い、でも長いといえば長い。いつも子供優先に考えたいし、それは理想だけど、母親だってたまには優先されてもいいんじゃないかな。いつも手を抜いてるわけではなく家ではいつも子供第一で頑張っていいるママがほとんどだと思うし。出来る時頑張っていれば子供は確かに興味はないかもしれないけど、わかってくれる気がします。少なくとも私の子は私のつまらない英語サークルに昼間毎週3年もつきあってくれました。行きたくないとは一度も言わなかったな。
    私のように歳をとってから子供を産むとそんなにあれもこれもやりたいことでいっぱいというわけではないけれど、やっぱり多少はありますしね。若いママたちなら尚更色々おしゃれもしたいし外にも出かけたいでしょう。いつも子供に対して100点のママでいる必要はないし、(60~70点で充分!?)色々な子育てのペースがあっていいのではないかと思います。
    This is just my opionion.



  27. Biwa on Thursday June 6th, 2013 at 03:46 PM

    Hi YU,

    Thanks for your comment, too! (^^)/
    It’s actually nice to know what other people think.
    I hope I don’t sound as if I were putting on airs, but as a mother myself, I really wish you the best from the bottom of my heart!



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